Hello, my name is Duf, and I am a failure. (sometimes)

It is really an odd thing trying to analyze the mind-body connection that pushes an individual during physical activities.  I have never quite figured out why some days I feel like I can carry the world on my back while others feel like the slightest breeze can blow me of course of my intended goal.

I have had a track record of pulling off some big physical milestones (30 pull ups, 75 push ups) out of the blue just because that day I had made up my mind to do it. So on days that the exact opposite happens, I feel really weak, discouraged, and just generally bad about myself.  Today was an example of one of those days.

Over the weekend I hadn’t done any cali/strength/bar training, just doing an endurance brick on Sunday of road biking followed by swimming.  I figured the two days “off” should set me up for a strong showing at the gym today.  I went into today’s workout with two highlighted goals.  I wanted to get more than 20 reps in a pull up set (haven’t done that in awhile) and also do a set of 50 chest to floor push ups.  I failed both goals.

On my pull up set I bailed after struggling to squeak out a 20th rep as my grip was failing. That was at least close to my goal, it was the push up set that really bothered me.

I did the first 40 reps consecutively and was locked out in plank position, taking a quick breather before trying to get the last 10.  I drop down a do rep 41, and then after it felt more difficult than I anticipated, dropped to my knees and scrubbed the rest of the set.  It was almost a subconscious thing, the idea flashed into my head that I was tired and BOOM, with no internal discussion, I bailed.

I was quite angry at myself for not being able to follow through on my pre-workout goals.  Maybe it is because we are right at or just past full moon, a time on the calendar where I historically am not at my best mentally or physically.

Maybe part of my struggle is because I am walking around close to 10 pounds heavier than when I set some of my personal bests in pushing and pulling numbers.  Sure at 170 pounds I looked rather gaunt and arguably unhealthy but it was less body weight to move around on the bar as well.  I am not quite sure how much of my added pounds are muscle from things like regular squats / dead lifts and how much is pure chub from less discipline in my food intake.

Or maybe, I am just old and forgetting that I am playing around in a young man’s world.